I photographed the face of Jesus today… Actually it was a spider but once I took a closer look on the monitor the patterns on its back were a dead ringer for the son of god. I’m not too sure if it’s a Robert Powell type Jesus of Nazareth circa 1977, a Jamie Caviezel: Passion of the Christ circa 2006 or a Graham Chapman circa 1979 playing Jesus’ doppelganger in the Life of Brian. But it’s definitely Jesus.
I lay awake last night ruminating on the possibility of what could it all mean? Was it a sign? Had I been called upon for greater things? Could I sell it on EBay? My sleepless night turned into a spectacle of possibilities.
I can remember a New York bagel and a piece of toast from Essex making headlines in recent years and apparently in a Deli on the west coast of America, Mother Teresa’s muffin draws large crowds and daily coffee pilgrims in need of a passing fix. Jesus in a jar of marmite, you’ll either love it or hate it.
My spider could be huge, in a biblical sense not in an arachnophobia-type sense. I can see the marketing opportunities unfold as I type. Living but a stone’s throw from the Camino de Santiago, the passing pilgrims would undoubtedly come and pay homage to my newly discovered icon. There could be merchandising opportunities such as T Shirts, Embroidered cap badges, spider soap on a rope and mugs that change colour when hot liquid is added. We could organise a live web cam link and produce regular pod casts featuring updates and news on ‘The Jesus Faced Spider’.
The name would need changing of course after all ‘The Jesus Faced Spider’ is a bit of a mouthful and would prove difficult to print on a small to medium T Shirt. The actual face of Jesus is tiny so it would need enlarging and if we are to keep in scale, then the legs of this particular spider are far too long to reproduce on anything less than an extra-large clothing range. Besides, if I included the legs it would look as though I was ripping off the Alien franchise. It’d sell well on the mass market, hopefully in Biblical proportions: either that or wait for the next Aliens film, include the legs then piggyback and cash in on their merchandising.
Perhaps we could call it Harvey as it is from the Harvestman order of arachnids or Hmm…Harvey, that’s definitely marketable. How about JFS? There’s definitely mileage in acronyms. DLS, JLS, ELS, DFS, SLC, they’re all having bank holiday specials again so business can’t be that bad, apparently wanting to pass on their good fortune of buying at a good price to us, again. Perhaps there are lessons to be learnt there. Land of Leather…lol.
Trying to promote your product these days without tweeting is a bit like spotting Lady GaGa wearing seaweed without a film crew and paparazzi, it isn’t going to work. A twitter account would be essential as it would mean that we could keep everyone up to date on the JFS day, hour-by-hour or even more frequent on a busy day. That would be interesting. Reality TV is the way to go in the longer term. People have had enough of fake celebrities and career-less Thespians. Bring on the JFS Docu-soap. We’d make a fortune with that.
Fortunately my good nature and penchant for all things living, I couldn’t do it. Integrity should not have an audience. Exploitation, degradation, depravity and greed are not in my nature. The frightening thing is that there are people out there who are prepared to make money on the back of a spider.